Thursday, October 29, 2015

Letter to You. October 28, 2015

Dylan,
    Two years today and I'll be honest I wasn't prepared. I've been caught up in my own life - School, work, friends, whatever. 24 hours ago, at 3 am, it finally hit me that it was now October 28th. Memories flooded my mind - the same ones I've been reliving again and again since 2013. I tried to sleep and failed. I can't remember the exact pitch of your laugh or the funny way my name rolled off your tongue and trust me I'm pissed at myself for it. I went to my first class this morning, determined to make it through the day. I failed again. I spent the rest of my day at my workplace (on my off day) surrounding myself with my friends to keep from being alone. I fought back tears every time someone asked why I looked so tired or why I wasn't in class. Time and time again I repeated, "It's just a bad day." Every time I opened Facebook I found pictures of you and sweet messages from all those who care for you yet I remained silent. 
     Two years and I've already let the sound of your voice slip away. I can't bear to lose more of you. I love you and I'm sorry for becoming so wrapped up in myself. I know you wouldn't want me to hurt. I know you would do something stupid to make me laugh if you were here. I know I shouldn't dwell on the pain. But today, I have no insightful or inspiring words. I have only an emptiness in my heart, the missing piece that you took with you. I have only immense love for you. I wish there were more pictures. I wish I had videos of you so that I could hear you speak and laugh. I wish you could reassure me again. I wish I could voice my feelings without crying. But this year I cannot, and for that I am sorry. 
were with me today, you had to have been. You watched over me, as you always did, and for that I thank you. This post is neither carefully crafted nor does it make sense I am sure, however I simply don't care about that currently. I just needed to tell you - I love you. I love you. I love you. 

1 comment:

  1. This is beautiful!!! Dylan is with you every day, he follows you wherever you go and whispers guiding words into your ear. He hasn't left you he's merely changed form so talk to him like he is next to you because he can hear you.

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