Letter to You. October 28, 2015

Dylan,

    Two years today and I'll be honest I wasn't prepared. I've been caught up in my own life - School, work, friends, whatever. 24 hours ago, at 3 am, it finally hit me that it was now October 28th. Memories flooded my mind - the same ones I've been reliving again and again since 2013. I tried to sleep and failed. I can't remember the exact pitch of your laugh or the funny way my name rolled off your tongue and trust me I'm pissed at myself for it. I went to my first class this morning, determined to make it through the day. I failed again. I spent the rest of my day at my workplace (on my off day) surrounding myself with my friends to keep from being alone. I fought back tears every time someone asked why I looked so tired or why I wasn't in class. Time and time again I repeated, "It's just a bad day." Every time I opened Facebook I found pictures of you and sweet messages from all those who care for you yet I remained silent. 

     Two years and I've already let the sound of your voice slip away. I can't bear to lose more of you. I love you and I'm sorry for becoming so wrapped up in myself. I know you wouldn't want me to hurt. I know you would do something stupid to make me laugh if you were here. I know I shouldn't dwell on the pain. But today, I have no insightful or inspiring words. I have only an emptiness in my heart, the missing piece that you took with you. I have only immense love for you. I wish there were more pictures. I wish I had videos of you so that I could hear you speak and laugh. I wish you could reassure me again. I wish I could voice my feelings without crying. But this year I cannot, and for that I am sorry. 
were with me today, you had to have been. You watched over me, as you always did, and for that I thank you. This post is neither carefully crafted nor does it make sense I am sure, however I simply don't care about that currently. I just needed to tell you - I love you. I love you. I love you.